Back to school
It is always hard to believe how quickly the summer time goes by or perhaps not quickly enough but as August draws to a close the return to school is on everyones mind. The admin of do their shoes fit, do I need to buy/search out uniforms, sport kits, how am I going to convince them that after school club really is amazing and where they want to be.
For some children the return to school is welcomed with open arms, they look forward to getting back to the structure and routine, looking forward to seeing friends and getting back to clubs, excited to share their summer news. They may be keen to get their belongings sorted, keen for new water bottles and backpacks/ know exactly where their book bags are and they is little to no chance of finding a mouldy banana found in the bottom of a school bag. Even when children are keen we still may need to get them back into routine, starting to readjust sleeping routines, start going to bed earlier, getting used to getting up and out early in the morning, it is good to have a practice run… choose a day the week before where you all get up and get ready to go out at back to school time…it can be to do something fun, go meet some school friends for an early park play date or a breakfast out, a walk past the school, a try on of school shoes/trainers. Reminding children of perhaps new entrances due to moving classrooms, or new bike drop off locations, or perhaps a new morning routine due to a siblings change of schedule or parent work schedule. If children are to be taken by a nanny/another parent/Grandparent etc it is could to do a trial run to reduce any first day jitters.
What to do if it is a new school…a trial run is definitely a good idea, trying on new uniforms where necessary, chats about lunch/lunch menus, what you know about the school routine, teachers, look up photos of the new staff, take out school belongings and hang them up where they can seen and feel familiar. make space to discuss any fears or worries and things to look forward to, highlights of the year ahead and things that they may have experienced in the past that prepares them for the year ahead.
What if my child really hates school…. what do I do if they shut down any conversations about school and are incredibly anxious about returning to school. I have worked with so many children who dread school, whether it is because they have a strong preference to being at home, or have had a negative experience in previous years, find it tricky to detach from parents, have generalised anxiety the return to school can make the end of summer quite miserable for everyone. There can be an increase in problem behaviours, resistance to go to playdates, upset at bedtime, mentioning of upset tummies. These children can often find the preparation for school a trigger for difficult behaviour - it is important to help them prepare for the return to school but not extend the period of anxiety so about a week before it is good to start to remind them about going back to school, maybe plan a playdate with a preferred peer from their class, give them some choice over resources/shoes/uniforms but minimise the load - so minimise options, would you like this or this…. we only need to get …. would you like to go today or tomorrow to get your shoes, would you like me to find out what backpack your friend has… etc
The night before do the majority of the work - plan the outfit- have it laid out, choose breakfast, have as much ready as possible - make sure if you as a parent or caregiver needs to go anywhere after drop off that you are fully ready to go and have a plan before you start to get the child ready to go, try to minimise the amount of ‘waiting’ time outside of school, quick hand overs are the best, arrange to meet a friend if the child would like, if the child has a preferred teacher or teaching assistant or preferred space arrange that they can potentially go straight to them. It is important if you achieve nothing else that the child knows you understand that they are scared/nervous or worried but school is a safe place, they are safe there and if they have a problem they can speak with someone trusted. For some children having responsibility in the classroom/a role to play can really help with the transition so speak with the teacher ahead of time about the possibility of having a job/a clear purpose for going in the door. When you can - this is not possible in all schools - having a transition item, something that they can bring from home and keep in a bag pack/drawer can help the transition. At the end of the day make a note of anything positive the child has to say about the day before - a friend they liked to play with, an activity they enjoyed, to help them focus on for the next day.
As a parent it can be incredibly difficult to have to leave your child visibly upset going in to school, so where you can have someone to have a coffee with, call a friend/partner etc as soon as drop off is over, when you can share the drop off and pick up with a partner, this may not always be possible for so many reasons. Remember to acknowledge the fear in your child and remind them of who will pick them up, the things that feel safe and secure. You may be feeling emotional and scared for them and it may be hard to send them off but you need to protect them from your fear and sadness and be their confidence. You need to reassure them that school/nursery is safe and good. Quick clean hand off and no going back. It is also really important to mention that they may be upset at pick up too this is not to say that they were miserable all day and yes teachers are incredibly busy and have so many pressures and responsibilities particularly at the beginning of the year but are incredible people and will find a few minutes to speak to you about what could make the transitions easier in the morning, teaching assistants will often be magic at finding the time and space to give your child a reassuring glance and keep an extra eye and good source of information on where the child has enjoyed themselves that day.
(if you need any further tips about transitions, school anxiety and school refusal please don’t hesitate to drop us an email)