Making a plan

Making a plan

Having trouble with your child ‘misbehaving’ not following the rules, throwing a strop before bed time it is important to make a plan.

First look at what your priorities are… what is most important to you at that time and what are you teaching your child and what are your – I will not tolerate…..

Then let’s look at why they are doing what they are doing?

How long have they been doing what they are doing?

How do I typically respond to what they are doing?

For example –

My son cries and shouts and drops to the floor every time he asks for a treat and the answer is no, He is five years old and this has been happening for approximately 6 months. It happens daily, sometimes I give in and just give him what he wants so he won’t scream, sometimes I stay strong and say no and eventually he tires himself out, sometimes my partner comes in and gives him what he wants because the screaming is unbearable.

Another example

My daughters are constantly fighting with her sister over toys, they take things and snatch things from each other all the time, this happens most days but never when they have friends over. I usually end up shouting at them and getting annoyed and sometimes I take the toys away and sometimes I give it back to one of them depending on who I think had it first.

A third example

My son always shouts and screams when his screen time is finished, we tussle over the iPad and then he ends up in his room crying or storming off and I threaten that he can’t have the iPad again if he doesn’t learn to give it up nicely but I have never really taken it away.

So what is the plan…..

The most important thing about the above examples is sometimes I do this and sometimes I do that along with the empty threats. Inconsistency in how something is handled will only lead to the ‘misbehaving’ continuing…..

Example One –

The crying over the treat is continuing because sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn’t, it is a sure-fire way to make sure the child keeps crying – an idea for a plan might be to talk about days when treats are available, or offering alternatives – you can’t have a biscuit but you can have…. And helping the child to accept the decision – ‘I know it is sad when I say no and you can’t have x but remember you can have.. and you tell me when you are ready

Remember these plans of action won’t change things over night and will need to be consistently implemented but putting together a plan with those who are involved in the raising of your child will allow you as a parent to stay in control, stay calm in your response and lead to a reduction in the behaviour.

Always be consistent, if you have been consistent and the behaviour is continuing (after 2-3 weeks) go back to the three questions – what and why are they doing, how long are they doing it for and what has my response been and see if you have missed anything…