Priorities

Priorities! 

What is most important to me right now? What is most important to me in the long run?…..

My first piece of practical advice I give to any parent or caregiver when addressing any behaviour with a child is to make a list of what is most important to them…

What are things that they most want for their child at that time and what they cannot and will not tolerate!

If you co parent then I advise both people to do their priority list separately and then come together to compare…

If you know what is most important and what is not going to be tolerated you have the basis of a plan…

A priority list for a 3-year-old might be …

It is important to me that they sit at the table with everyone at meal time.

It is important to me that they put their shoes on by themselves to go out of the house

It is important that they help me put the toys in the toy basket at the end of the day

I will not tolerate them throwing toys

A priority list for a 6-year-old might me

It is important to me that they get dressed by themselves at the weekend.

It is important to me that they share and play fair always but particularly on a play date 

It is important that they come and read with me every day after school. 

I will not tolerate them shouting and banging doors when they have to give up the iPad 

A priority list for a 10-year-old might be

It is important for me that they get themselves dressed and ready in the mornings and for bed including shower/bathing without disagreement.

It is important to me that they practice their instrument/sport interest without me having to ask 

It is important to me that they help to put the plates etc in the dishwasher 

 I will not tolerate arguing over screen time.

When you look at the priority list you will know what your triggers as a caregiver are going to be, but you are also going to think about how am I going to make these a priority for my child, create space and tools for them to achieve what is important, share your priorities with them and those that help you out, is the reason why you and your co parent argue and disagree over the child’s behaviour because you don’t share priorities.

Having priorities and things that you are focusing on does not mean you are letting everything else go, but right now you are going to focus on what is most important knowing that it is a step in the road to empowering independent thinkers