Independent Play

My child never plays by themselves….

Independent play is something you hear described as being important for all children’s development… why is it important and how do I make sure that my children can and do play by themselves?

First things for first at what age do children learn to play by themselves… so they learn as little babies, they can play for a few minutes on their own in a cot or lying on the mat. They will play with little toys and entertain themselves, as they progress to toddlers they can play for approximately five minutes independently and this systematically increases, some 4 -5-year olds will play independently without disruption for upwards of 20 minutes.

Playing independently on an iPad is not the same as independent play.

It is important to encourage and allow opportunities for children to play independently, to explore their toys, get busy by themselves. Having a play space, whether it is a designated play room, an area of a bedroom, the living room or side of the kitchen where toys are accessible, can easily be pulled out and play with is important to their play development. Something that is often mentioned in this blog it is also the gift of time…. having a child who can play independently without disruption can make sure that you have the time to prep dinner, make a phone call, have a conversation with a friend….

Independent playing children are independent homework doers, independent studiers.. they are comfortable filling their time, can find things to do and they also learn to think for themselves and figure things out. When you are playing and busying yourself in play you will problem solve, fix and repair things, find alternatives…

If your child has never been keen on playing by themselves then it is never too late to start, start by joining them in their playtime, go to their room/play space and sit  on the floor with them and get them started and slowing reduce the amount you join in and direct the play but stay there, be present.. sit and watch, grab some laundry and start sorting and folding while the child is playing by themselves, if in the kitchen start to prep meals, or tidy up, busying yourself but staying present, don’t get distracted by phones or screens as it is the quickest way to distract your child from what they are doing..

Independent play can go from completely independent to interactive and return to independent play – just because they ask you to join in or ask you to help them with something does not mean they are not playing independently they may seek out reassurance or what to share something with you which is fine and taking a turn or playing with them for a few minutes and then taking the opportunity to busy yourself again….

 Some children love to play in their rooms whilst listening to a story or book or listening to some music, they can play with Lego, building/construction whilst listening to preferred stories and occupying themselves. Too much time by themselves may result in children getting up to mischief or turning quiet independent play into destructive chaotic time so important to keep an eye out and important to not get too annoyed or upset if mess and mayhem occurs – we want children to figure things out, we want them to be independent thinkers, this means they may make a mess but don’t mean they can’t help with the clean up!